Bad day.
I’m so pissed off that I don’t even want to type this.
This is such a bad day for me, you have no idea.
It’s not so much as the events are bad, it’s that my attitude is fucking horrible towards everything and everyone. I feel bad for everyone that I’ve yelled at today, but I can’t help it, I’m without my meds.
I had to stop the meds temporarily because of the stomach flu, and now I’m getting the result of it. Sigh.. this sucks.
I actually posted a post earlier and lost it, which pisses me more off. Anyway, I’ll try and type what I had down before. I’m sick of so many things right now, and grateful for very few. Just the one-liners in this post fucking suck. But, let me try and dig deeper than agitations.
Internally, I am struggling against myself, fighting myself to keep calm. To be honest, I have a bad memory and I can not even remember why I amd depressed. I still feel depressed even though the memory of the reason fades away, and I am left with a hollow emptiness, of a spirit something once stole. Everything it seems is just irritating me to no end. And I bet I’m going to lose this post as well.
Man, whatever.. I can’t say life sucks because really doesn’t.. sometimes I have to count my blessings. I have Fall in my life, and friends that help me through hard times,.. I’m not as sick as I was with the stomach flu earlier on in the week.. I’m still able to get online.. Stuff like that matters, no matter how small it is. It’s just that I overlook simple things when I get upset like this. I wish I could talk to someone, and just let my feelings out. This is close enough, I suppose.
Anyway, onto more reasons why I’m mad. Basically, there is chaos inside of me. I am not balanced, I cannot get myself straight, and I haven’t been meditating. My lifestyle is a mess.
Another reason is that I’m dealing with the stress of Fall being depressed and I know it’s not much what I’m feeling compared to what he’s probably feeling, but it still affects me. I don’t know why he’s depressed and I can’t help him not be depressed. He’s helping me though.. and I wish I could return the favor.
